Sunday, February 06, 2005

Confused thots

One year down the road after the breakup. It has been almost 14 months since the day we parted. I moved on fine, i guess. She became a distant memory over these while. I got on wif my life happily. Looking on the bright side everyday, focusing on my school work over the past year.

I hav started work finally. Den this one fine day, she emailed me. I expected her usual jokes and weird pic mails, but this one was different. It contained a short newspaper article toking about a missed relationship. Missed because the guy had moved on and got to know someone new when this girl wanted to give the relationship another try.

And her email, it sounded a little emotional. She went on a little about how she caused me unhappiness and if we could still be friends. And she remembered that i was to start work on the 1st of Feb, so she wished me well.

The first thing that came to mind was why was she bringing back all the old stuff? why apologise again? Those few words of hers unlocked all my feelings that i have kept locked up for so long. And i realised i didnt and couldnt like another person because i fear the same thing will happen. But mostly because i havent forgotten her.

I pluck up the courage to reply her mail. Of course we are still frens. We will always be. And not thinking twice, I told her that if i had the chance to go after her again, i would. Quickly, i sent out that reply, before i hav time to regret and delete off that line. True enough, i regretted putting down that last line. More for the fear of her avoiding me again.

Anyway, her reply came back the following day. And it addressed the issue of us still being frens only. Nothing mentioned of the other stuff in my reply mail.

it really got me confused as to wat she meant. If I look on the brightside, her reply is more than enough to answer the last statement in my mail. On second thot, I dun wan to give myself too much hope on this relationship again.

My thots are so messed up over the past few days. I mailed her on fri again. And even sms her. But no replies to my question. It was a harmless question! But there was no replies to it. I dun think she is avoiding me. Probably she's on leave from work and my sms din get thru. Maybe...

To move on or not? Part of me wants to... and the other half wants to try the relationship again.

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